Good news everyone, BP has completed it's own in-depth, unbiased, truth revealing, investigation of the incidents that lead up to the Deep Water Horizon disaster.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that I am so thrilled that we, the American public, wont have to bother with our own. I mean damn! Thank you BP, that's just so darn big of you to take on that sort of responsibility.
So it must have been awfully hard to suss out all the facts and determine what we already knew, how your companies stratospheric levels of corporate greed and arrogance blinded you to the risks that you were taking against the fragile ecosystem you were willfully pillaging.
What's that? Oh? Wow, so your saying that though on the surface it looked apparent that BP was at fault, your hard hitting investigative team has only just determined that BP has actually been victimized by a well planned, highly organized group of people out to frame them?!
Holy cow! So what this means is that...you really didn't do it. It was those other guys, those echo-terrorists, led by eleven radical's who willingly chose to burn and or drown in the Gulf to be rewarded in the afterlife with fifty virgin mermaids?
Who would have thought it?
Thanks again BP, it's good to know the truth, my day is now complete.
BP, you complete me.